In Negotiations, Separate The People From The Problem
DIFFICULT PEOPLE! One of the greatest challenges we face is negotiating!
Answer this question: Do you want to be SOFT or HARD in approaching your next negotiation? If you said, "Yes," I agree! Be hard on the problem and soft on the people. To do that we must:
1. SEPARATE THE PEOPLE FROM THE PROBLEM
Remember, a negotiator has two interests in any negotiation - the negotiation itself and the relationship with the other party. Separate the two. Be firm on the problem and gentle on the people. Generally, concessions can be made on the process of the negotiation; the environment, the timetable, and other procedural details while holding firm on the important items at stake.
2. BE REFLECTIVE
One of the most effective techniques with someone who is upset is to simply reflect back to them what you think they said. For example, "Let me see if I understand you, Kathy. What I hear you saying is..."This does not necessarily mean you agree with their ideas, only that you understand their feelings and thoughts.
3. GIVE POSITIVE, NON-VERBAL FEEDBACK
When someone is upset, it's amazing what you can accomplish with the effective use of body language. Help the other party feel comfortable. Lean forward, nod occasionally, and use reflective facial expressions. Decreasing your eye contact, crossing arms and legs, and a lack of facial expression only creates increased tension or hostility. Honest, sincere motives will typically bring about the appropriate non-verbal expressions. Make sure that your expressions are genuine! Care about the other party and show it.
4. TAKE NOTES AS A TECHNIQUE
Especially when people are upset or complaining, taking notes communicates interest and caring, and tends to reduce the other party's concerns. Even on the telephone, saying something like, "Excuse me, could you slow down just a bit, I'm jotting down your concerns so I can be sure I understand your feelings situation completely." What a difference! All of a sudden the person realizes you care, and down go the barriers previously erected.